ok well I've cooled off a bit since last week. Still fuming over the fact I need to pay this money on monday, but what can you do. My mom and I have a running Joke. It seams to us that each time a little money comes our way, we get screwed. Call it will of God, or sheer dumb luck. Instead of lowing credit card Debt. GOing out for a nice dinner (to which sometimes only happens every few months in the past) SOme shit happens.
We joke the minute we get a lot of money. Like winning the lottery or hell geting Chris's late UNcles portion of his life insurance(good chunck of change apparently) no shit like this is gonna happen because by then whats the point, we have enought to share a little dent will not deviate from our plan.
So I'm here sitting in my messy computer room. (to which I had planned cleaning out and orginize it oh back on January) and found some cards Chris wrote to me before Meagan was born. they are the most wonderful things ever. AND I always keep them close so for times like this week, I can look at them and remember one thing I love about him, and just keep listing them off. So any anger or resentment I might of had is gone out the window. I broke down (yet again) this week. I knew having a child would be hard, and things were great until his shifts at work switched. I hate him working till 8pm. I hate it. AND until they hire a new person to replace him once He moves departments, he's stuck at it. Then he got his part time job at nights and has been training 3 times a week at nights there. THis past week was 4. THankfully this week hes only there twice.
Being alone ALL the time, is hard on the brain. I give all my support to the stay at home moms. No adult interaction Is driving me crazy. Yes we go swiming with OTHER moms, and mother goose nursery Rhymes with OTHER mothers. But all anyone talks about is their children, and feeding this and baby that. DRIVES ME NUTS. ANd I find myself in the same cycle. I see my friends and all I can seem to talk about is Meagan. ANd if its not about her, I have not much to say. because I dont get out. Hell I dont even have time to read the newspaper when I get it each week. I'm usually 2 weeks behind in the news.
I do not want to become one of these moms who can brag about their child. I'm already falling into the compition world of "oh well SHE DID this then" and feeling a be behind as a little boy 5 days younger than her is rolling up a storm on his crib and holding onto his feet all the time. AND he's been doing that for 3 weeks now.
I've started back reading but not the regular books, I've picked up a newer book of Sylvia Browne. and have made a list of other books I would like of hers. But I'm definitly not going to sit down and have a conversation of How she has seen how the Pyramids were build and other stuff like that.
Well I beter go, before I start to brag about Meagan. I'm sure theres better things I should be doing, like dishes or sleeping, or watching a movie that started 30 minutes ago.
Have a great day everyone